I love this thought.
Before we get married we write our vows or choose our vows based on the current “love that we feel”for our soon to be spouse. For some of us we can easily take the pen to the paper and allow that love to flow into beautifully crafted words from our heart, but for others we choose vows from a book we’ve read, or a poem we’ve always loved. One thing that remains consistent in all the vows we hear as wedding photographers is some sort of rendition of “for better or for worse!” You are standing at the altar declaring,“for better or for worse!” You’ve dreamed of this day and you’ve imagined it for your whole life “for better or for worse!” The “feelings” are big and your whole heart is surrendered to this idea of “for better or for worse!”
But then, as for all of us, the best day of your life is over and real life begins to happen. Life moves on and our words become less than a faint memory. They fall to the ground and most of the time are not remembered.
Words are powerful things in our opinion. They are binding! And should be considered very deeply when spoken in such commitment. It is easy to speak these committed words when our emotions are high, but can we speak them when life throws us those curve balls? Because life will, we can promise you that. It is then when those words really matter most.
So to new couples planning to get married we encourage you to consider the words you’ll vow. Ask yourself if you can hold them when life gets tough, when your spouse isn’t what you expected he/she will be. We are not perfect people, we are all flawed, moody little things and we will all fail expectations at some time in our lives and even over and over again. It is inevitable.
And to those who have been married any time now, we challenge you to remember the commitment that you made. Have you held your end of your promise to your spouse on your wedding day?
You may be thinking you may not see what I am dealing with. But can we remind you of your vows “for better or for worse!” We are not saying to stay if there is abuse or infidelity. Some people are brave enough to do so. To push beyond their feelings and believe for better and forgive. We’ve seen it with some of our clients. We commend them greatly. That would be your choice of bravery. We do, however, encourage you to fight a little harder to honor your commitment and not to allow a society that teaches us, “if we don’t like it then we can just leave, or we just don’t feel the love anymore, so we can end it regardless of the commitment we made at the altar,” to influence us so quickly.
We encourage you to remember your vows, meditate on them, and try to live them more and more each day.
Jake and I used the famous 1 Corinthians 13 chapter as part of our vows. I am going to quote it here below.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.”
When times have been hard between Jake and I…and they most certainly have! I allow these words to fill my mind. Specifically, that love perseveres and believes the best. I have these words memorized. I use them as a guide to my life on how I measure my success in marriage and especially so in hard times. When I have wanted to walk out the door, these words remind me that I can’t. I committed/vowed not to. And when things are not going my way or my spouse isn’t being who I want him to be- maybe I want Jake to fulfill more of my needs and be there for me more, but he isn’t in the way I want him to, these words remind that I must suffer long and not be so self-seeking.
We hear these words quoted so often at weddings and if it is not these words then it is these words in other forms, “I will support you always, I will stand with you in all your weaknesses.” The list really can go on.
Jake says it so well, when he brings this point out, “For better or for worse…period!!” There is no question mark in this vow stuff. It is not always easy, but we must be intentional and do our part to keep the promises we’ve made.
We challenge you to remember your vows daily and live them out a little more and to not so easily throw them out when things aren’t the way you expected in your fairy tale mind! <3