How To Do Marriage 101-For The Already Married

Hopefully, you are not fighting on the last day of your honeymoon, like Jake & I did!  What makes it even worse is it was over ice cream on our cruise ship! Seriously?!  It’s funny now to think about, but not then…at all!  I remember thinking what had I gotten myself into.  Was there a rewind button to 7 days earlier when we were sharing so many joys on our wedding day.  Who was this person in front of me? Maybe we were fighting because we were stuck on a boat for 7 solid days or it was from all the salt water we were breathing in.  Whatever the reason, it was the start of life together.  Who knew the start would be like that…not me, that is for sure?  And I am sure he didn’t imagine it that way either.

The first year was incredibly hard; so hard! And definitely not what I expected marriage to be. Not the romantic love stories or the hand written mushy letters or the fairy tales….I mean there was some of that, but not the amount I imagined.  It was real work.  BUT despite all of the hard ships the first year of marriage brought…the screaming, the arguing, the turning into a monster we both never met, (yes, it is true) marriage has also been wonderful.  It has been a growing experience.  We are both better people.  Less selfish (mostly me)! Less proud (mostly him and a little bit of me)! And more in love, the authentic kind…not the, “mushy, fairytale, feeling kind.” The kind that carries you through the hard ships and the ugly feelings.  The kind of love a marriage should be built on.

So many people easily call it quits…so many!  I (Jennifer) wanted to start this blog because we serve people who are getting married and our heart has always been to see strong marriages that grow and LAST! We’ve led groups in our home for the sole purpose of creating community where growth can happen.  You see, no matter how well a marriage looks from the outside…every marriage struggles, every marriage has its bumps and every marriage has good times, but there are so many mountain top experiences, too.  Creating a good support system is so important.  So through this portion of our blog, I want to share the things that have helped us…the advice, the books, the realizations…it is a place where I will be real and authentic and a place I hope to encourage and help many of you!

So, maybe you can relate a little to a hard first year or maybe your first year was the easiest and now after being married for a longer period there is a growing disconnect.  Maybe you fight over money, or in-laws, or the children, or how the toilet paper roll goes on.  Whatever you are going through or facing, hang in there.  Push to grow together.  The one thing that helps us is to remember and understand that we are not out to destroy each other…maybe, it seems like that at times.  But, we are both good hearted people and our intentions & heart toward each other is for good.  For example, Jake is not sitting in a corner thinking of bad things to do to me or how to come against me.  So, with this mentality, it helps build the foundation and mindset that we each have good thoughts toward each other.  Believing that your spouse is really good hearted toward you will start to change your thinking and maybe even some of your fights.  So, I encourage you today to remember the person you fell in love with.  His/her heart toward you was good then and underneath it all, is still good now! I promise!

If you are looking for a great book to read, we love this one!

The Five Love Language: The Secret to A love that Lasts